The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, Part 2

Rule #3 – Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much

Looking at someone first is a dead giveaway of interest. Let him look at you! If he doesn’t notice you first, he’s probably not interested…. It is never necessary to make eye contact. What about letting men know you’re receptive? We suggest simply smiling at the room (or the universe, if you will), and looking relaxed and approachable. That’s how to acknowledge a man’s attention, not by staring at him.

I got into reading dating advice for women books because I thought they would be a good laugh. This however just simply isn’t funny anymore. It’s just plain wrong, how many attractive girls who were actually attracted to me have I nexted because they applied this horrible, crippling rule?

FYI this is what guys are being told:

How to Tell If a Girl Is Attracted to You
# She may smile, or look away embarrassed when holding eye contact.

On the first date, avoid staring romantically into his eyes. Otherwise, he will know that you’re planning the honeymoon. Instead, look down at the table or your food, or simply survey the crowd at the restaurant. It’s best to seem generally interested in life, in others, in your surroundings, in the paintings on the wall, as opposed to this live prey.

Wait, I’m prey?

He will feel crowded and self conscious if you gaze at him too much. Restrain yourself. Let him spend the evening trying to get your attention.

A real man will not spend the evening trying to get your attention if you act like that. If he is worth his salt, he will determine the following:
1. You’re acting.
2. You’re uninterested in him.
3. This is a total waste of his time.
4. Trying to get your attention is just putting the pussy on a pedestal anyway. Better to hang out with others who appreciate my company more…

Needless to say, there will be moments on a date when neither of you has anything to say. Don’t feel the need to fill in these silences. You’ll end up saying something stupid and forced. Sometimes men just want to drive in silence without saying a word. Let them.

I actually agree with this part. I like to apply silences here and then, to judge our level of comfort with each other. If we’re both comfortable with the silence, it’s a good indication that we’re getting along pretty well. Unfortunately the authors totally fuck what could’ve been a good point up by finishing with this stinker:

Maybe he’s thinking about how he’s going to propose to you one day. Don’t ruin his concentration.

If anything, men should be the ones scrambling their brains to come up with clever lines, asking you a lot of questions, and wondering whether or not they’re keeping you interested. Besides, most men find chatty women annoying.

Again, why the hell should I have to do all the work? That’s so sexist. Besides, I appreciate a chatty girl. It shows she’s got spunk, she’s got something to talk about, and she’s willing to open up at least a small part of herself to me, i.e. I’m not wasting my time with her/she’s interested in me. I don’t want to talk to a wall, nor a doll.

On the date itself, be quiet and reserved. He’ll wonder what you’re thinking, if you like him, and if he’s making a good impression. He’ll think you’re interesting and mysterious, unlike many of the women he’s dated. Don’t you want him to think about you like that?

This is SO wrong. The worst thing about this is that the date will no longer be fun. It’s just me chattering along like some loser who’s so excited he finally got his first date he can’t stop gushing about everything. This rule is so depressing. I want to read Marie Forleo again.

Rule #4 – Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
With this rule, the transformation into a lifeless, wooden doll with no thoughts of her own, no personality and no wants at all is complete. She exists purely to be asked out, to consume, to look pretty, to attract men and do absolutely nothing other than siphon money out of their wallets.

The Rule is that men are supposed to rearrange their schedules around you, pursue you, take cabs and trains to see you.

Look, if the girl doesn’t invest effort into seeing me, why should I make any effort to begin with? The rule goes on to tell the story of Jane, a “truly nice person”, and how she lost Steve by “making it too easy for him”. Somehow I really doubt that was the reason. Somehow I doubt the story happened at all.

We know one man who became even more enamoured of a girl on their second date because she didn’t complain one word when he couldn’t remember where he parked at a football game. For the whole hour during which they pounded the pavement looking for his car, he kept thinking, “What a great girl!”

Well yeah, that would be a great girl. That’s the only thing you should take away from this Rule though.

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